Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
