i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
