My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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