hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
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