You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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