this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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