You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
