Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
