Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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