to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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