let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
