You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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