you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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