It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
