i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
