You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Randomize
