if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
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The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
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I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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