I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
we made out on top of his cat.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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