We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
