grandma shit on top of the toilet
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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