Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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