Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Rumble strips road head = magical
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
