Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Randomize
