I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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