don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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