got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
