Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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