he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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