this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
