doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
