I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
