you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
