We're facebook friends in real life
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
