Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
