office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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