Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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