I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
