My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
