Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
