I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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