I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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