guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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