trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
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