great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
