I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
