So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
