that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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