I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
