a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
