if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
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I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't notice because vodka
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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