What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
