mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
