If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
