I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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