Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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