omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
