I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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