The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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