I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
