I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
