it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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