The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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