If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
