Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
