I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
