Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
