You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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