I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
