My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Pooping to opera.
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