Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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