3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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