i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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