I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just had sex bonerless
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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