i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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