On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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