$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
