Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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