its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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