This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
