I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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