There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
